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THE FIVE GOALS of COURAGE
Courage Handbook (2020), p. 4.

1. To live chaste lives in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching on homosexuality.

2. To dedicate our entire lives to Christ through spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, individual spiritual direction, frequent attendance at Mass and the frequent reception of the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist.

3. To foster a spirit of fellowship in which we may share with one another our thoughts and experiences, and so ensure that no one will have to face the problems of homosexuality alone.

4. To be mindful of the truth that chaste friendships are not only possible but necessary in a chaste Christian life and to help one another in forming and sustaining them.

CLARIFICATION of the TWELVE STEPS
and THEIR (optional) USE in COURAGE
from the COURAGE HANDBOOK (2020) p.80.

1. The plan of every Courage meeting is contained in the Five Goals of Courage, written by the first Courage members and approved by ecclesiastical authority.

2. While drawing inspiration from the spirituality underpinning the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, Courage is not a “Twelve Step group,” nor is it to be presumed that every member or potential member of Courage is contending with compulsive behaviors or addictions. It is not required to “work the Steps” in order to be a member of Courage.

3. A discussion of the spirituality of the Twelve Steps, as they relate to chastity, purity and overcoming compulsive behaviors, may be employed by chapters as a way to guide discussion among the members. Chaplains will carefully consider whether such an approach is appropriate given the history and experience of the members of the chapter. Discussion may be guided by the chaplain himself and/or by use of published materials that are in harmony with the teachings of the Catholic Church regarding purity, chastity, morality and spirituality. Questions regarding whether a particular resource fits this criterion should be referred to the Executive Director.

5. In any discussion of the Twelve Steps it must be clear that the only “Higher Power” to which Courage members refer is the One Triune God revealed by Jesus Christ.

6. Members are encouraged to share their stories openly and frankly in the chapter meeting. Respect for other members, however, means that such sharing should not include explicit details of sexual sins (which sometimes happens in the “First Step” admissions made in Twelve Step groups for people facing sexual addictions).

7. The role of a sponsor typically associated with Twelve Step groups is not part of the plan of the Courage chapter. Guidance and mentoring is provided by the chaplain and in the chaste friendships that develop in the chapter meeting.

1. WE admitted that we were powerless over homosexuality, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. WE came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. WE made a decision to turn our will and our lives to the care of God as we understood him.

5. WE admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. WE were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of our character.

8. WE made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make direct amends to them all.

9. WE made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. WE continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. WE sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry it out.

12. HAVING had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs

THE FIVE GOALS
OF COURAGE

1. TO live chaste lives in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church's teachings on homosexuality.

2. TO dedicate our entire lives to Christ through service to others, spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, individual spiritual direction, frequent reception of the sacraments of Penance and of the Holy Eucharist.

3. TO foster a spirit of fellowship in which we may share with one another our thoughts and experiences and so ensure that none of us will have to face the problems of homosexuality alone.

4. TO be mindful of the truth that chaste friendships are not only possible, but necessary in celibate Christian life and to encourage one another in forming and sustaining them.

5 Goals of Courage

The Spirituality of Courage Rooted in the priestly heart of Fr. John Harvey, OSFS, whose spirituality was born of a profound personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ and drew inspiration from the spirituality of the Oblates of Saint Francis de Salesʼ fervent devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the spirituality of Courage reflects the urging of the Saint to “Live Jesus.” In The Introduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis de Sales opens the way for persons living in the world to develop a Christian life founded upon the union of oneʼs heart with the Sacred Heart of Jesus and in a daily striving marked by a total offering of oneʼs life and all of oneʼs works in union with God. In this manner, the Saint tells us, each Christian brings love and healing from the Heart of Jesus to others. He also demonstrates how each Christianʼs everyday life is not only a gift from God, but also a life that he or she can return to the Divine Giver. Oneʼs labor, toil, and sorrow, along with oneʼs rest, triumph, and joy become a prayerful offering, an offering that can be dedicated to union with God. In this way every Christian assists in the renewal of the Church and the salvation of the world.

Fr. John Harvey possessed a simple goodness expressed in his spiritual fatherhood, especially for souls experiencing same-sex attractions. At the same time, he was a man with great spiritual strength, abiding faith, and noble character. He believed in treating these men and women the same way he treated every other human person facing a challenge—by responding “to the person.” He found that by responding to each person as an intelligent and free child of God, by treating him or her as equal in dignity, by being willing to share in his or her difficulties, the walls of isolation, fear, and desolation subsided. And thus it is for us, the men and women of Courage, to imitate his spirit of fidelity, humility and compassion. Just as the understanding love of Jesus Christ for all souls knows no measure or limit, so might we too be filled with compassion and generous solicitude for every person who comes to us in his or her time of need.

Saint Francis de Sales believes that the essence of community life for the Oblate is lived most authentically by communion with Christ and with oneʼs brothers. But the Saint also provides a path of community for all Christians, exhorting us to build a faithful and fruitful human community. This is best accomplished, he says, by bringing the love of God to all that we do. This love, offered to God and to each other, draws us together in a community of charity with Christ and with each other. Thus, we are to carry on Fr. Harveyʼs work of building spiritual support groups, communities founded in Christ for the sake of assisting members to love as Christ loves—chastely, purely, and selflessly—never betraying in any way the faithfulness and perpetual care which are marks of Divine Love.

Fr. Harvey learned from Christ, the font of his love, that the gift of love to others first bound him to the universal Church, to the Pope and the Bishops in communion with him. Fr. Harvey never worked outside of an abiding obedience to Christ and to His Vicar on earth. The Courage Apostolate was, and still is, in the heart of the Church. So it is for us, the men and women of Courage, to remain ever the faithful sons and daughters of Mother Church, understanding this apostolate as Fr. Harvey understood it—not as his project, not as his invention, but rather as belonging to Christ, who had inspired and blessed its creation.

The heart of Courage and EnCourage spirituality, based on the writings of Saint Francis de Sales and The Five Goals of Courage, is the belief that sanctity is possible in everyday life. Through the Courage Apostolate those persons experiencing same-sex attractions are encouraged to deepen their Christian discipleship through participation in the sacramental life of the Church, particularly through the frequent reception of the Eucharist and frequent confession, as well as through a regular prayer life, witness, counsel, service, and self-giving. By developing a dedicated prayer life and seeking meditative and prayerful union with the Sacred Heart of Jesus, we come to recognize our true identity as children of God, men and women in Christ, understanding and experiencing the unconditional love of God, thus conforming ourselves to His will for our lives. Fr. Harvey recognized this transformation as a process requiring great patience and perseverance, where “white-knuckled chastity” will give way to “interior chastity of the heart,” when a soul truly seeks wholeness and holiness in Christ.

The community aspect of Courage extends to an appreciation, on a deep level, of the importance of assisting families with a member who experiences same-sex attractions. EnCourage provides support for family members and concerned individuals with sons, daughters, spouses, or friends affected by same-sex attractions, helping members to understand this struggle and the necessity of embracing a life of chastity (Documents of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, paragraph 16). Family members and friends also suffer, and they too need the support of a community rooted in a reverence for Truth, one founded upon, and faithful to, the belief that the human person, made in the image and likeness of God, should not be reduced to a reference to his or her sexual desires.

Families also benefit from understanding that we all have personal problems and difficulties which challenge us and sometimes present obstacles to our growth. At the same time, our difficulties and challenges are also accompanied by strengths, talents, and gifts. When the Church provides a badly needed context for the care of the human person by refusing to consider individuals as “heterosexual” or “homosexual,” insisting that every person has a fundamental identity as a creature of God, and by grace, His child and heir to eternal life, we are wrapped in the loving embrace of Godʼs Truth.

Prayer of the heart is the way to union of heart with the Sacred Heart of Jesus. It is this union of oneʼs heart with the Sacred Heart of Jesus which also brings healing and strength to the family members and friends of persons with SSA. It was Fr. Harveyʼs observation that it is important, when working with parents of persons experiencing same-sex attractions, to help them to further develop their own relationship with the Lord. Parents must turn over stewardship of their child to the Lord, allowing Him to bring healing to their own hearts first. In the glorious pierced Heart of Jesus, family members will find the gift which their suffering member most needs and, in fact, desires—the gift of love, purified and inflamed with Divine Love. Thus, the spirituality of Courage and EnCourage requires a steadfast plumbing of the second of The Five Goals of Courage:

“To dedicate our entire lives to Christ through service to others, spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, individual spiritual direction, frequent attendance at Mass, and the frequent reception of the Sacraments of Reconciliation and of the Holy Eucharist.”

Through all of these spiritual practices, the deep beauty of a chaste life will be seen and embraced, and a heart will be prepared and sustained for true friendship.

The Twelve Steps of Courage, based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous,* [*Used with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous] are set within the context of prayer and the sacramental life of the Church. Membership in Courage is an invitation to grow spiritually, and so in holiness. While the twelve-step program is an integral part of Courage discipline, the heart of the apostolate is always a personal relationship with Christ as a member of His Mystical Body—as He heals us and gives us the strength to grow in the virtue of chastity and all the Cardinal and Theological Virtues. The profoundly spiritual nature of Courage must continue to be not just a method for attaining sexual abstinence but a way of encountering Christ, the Chaste One, in order to live chastely in Him. The Twelve Steps open the space within our hearts to grow spiritually, to come to know Christ more fully, and to love Him more ardently. Chastity, made possible by Christʼs redemptive grace, is a liberating virtue and a source of joy and human freedom.

Also central to the spirituality of Courage and EnCourage is a deeper understanding of the origin, identity, and destiny of human beings: That we are created male and female by God, and that the complementarity of married love between a man and a woman is a privileged participation in the being and procreative power of God—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—who through the cooperation of the husband and wife, gives the gift of new human life to be formed and cherished. Such understanding not only assists members to recognize and respect their own identity as sons and daughters of God, brothers and sisters of Christ, but also aids our society in the struggle to overcome the secularization which attacks the sanctity of life and the integrity of marriage and the family.

And so we emphasize the importance of the continuing spiritual development of Courage and EnCourage members, a development which brings each believer a deeper knowledge of the Faith and its practice, to a deeper knowledge of Christ alive for us in the Church, Who accompanies us along our pilgrim way to our lasting home in Heaven. The love of Christ, flowing from His glorious pierced Heart into our often poor and confused hearts, will give us the clarity and strength to go forward. In the words of the emblem of the Oblates of Saint Francis de Sales, our hearts resting in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, will take hold of Divine Love and will not let go.

Fr. Emmerich Vogt, O.P. is a Dominican priest of the Western Dominican Province. He is currently on the Preaching band. He was formerly Prior Provincial for the Province, Prior of St. Albert's Priory, Chapel, and Seminary in Oakland, California, as well as Director of the Shrine of St. Jude in San Francisco and a member of Dominican Preaching. He has served as Pastor and Prior of Holy Rosary Parish in Portland, Oregon.

Recommended Links

Fr. Jim Lloyd was unable to be with us at the 2012 Courage/EnCourage Conference, so he sent a video of his scheduled presentation. We wanted to share this with all our members.

For a deeper understanding of The Twelve Steps as they apply to recovery and Christian discipleship for Catholics, consider The 12-Step Review web site and publications.

Every group meeting has its own set of dynamics. How to choose the leadership mode which fits one’s style and temperament requires some realistic thought. For example, a teaching group has as its center the “leader”, the one with all the answers. This is found obviously in the classroom where someone (the teacher) has information for those who lack it, the students. It is found in training groups such as police and firefighter preparation. It assumes that all will bend to and accept the input of the leader. This would probably be an awkward climate for the meetings of Courage.

Some groups are substantially interactive and find their meaning and strength by testing out interpersonal styles with or against each other. This is a difficult type of group to lead and usually requires a leader with a solid psychological and interactive background. This style is used in psychologically oriented groups where the members are seeking more interpersonal healing than what is found in the Goals of Courage. Their focus is specifically “psyche” healing of a secular level.

Some Courage leaders have found that a lecture format with questions afterward is helpful. Many object to this structure on the grounds that it tends to become intellectual which while interesting does little to effect the damaging drives of homosexuality. Some leaders invite various speakers who treat different aspects of same-sex attraction for the meeting. Some have Mass celebrated. Others show selected movies. Others have the members give their testimony in rotation for several weeks or months. It is clear that all of the modalities mentioned have some aspect which can be useful and helpful. Some leaders believe that the meeting might be tailored to the needs of a special group—age, background, and the like.

It is important for “Enquirers” to know that Courage is NOT a place for negotiation, dialogue or discussion (debate). People come to Courage ONLY if they seek a Catholic resolution to the pain of SSA. It is analogous to AA wherein members seek not some kind of moderate or controlled drinking but a complete break with toxic behaviour which threatens to ruin their lives. Courage is clearly not a cruising ground or pick-up spot but a “safe” place to regain the control of one’s sexual drives and return to sexual sanity.

After running a group at the Paulist Fathers’ parish residence in New York City for so many yearsand having attended meetings as a guest speaker in other area meetings, I have settled on a formula which has worked well for many different kinds of members and appears adaptable for many styles. The brief outline which follows can be expanded and flexed to suit the needs of the specific meeting.

The meeting begins at 7:15 P.M. (as much as is possible, exactly on time). It ends at 8:45 PM – – It takes place in a room “set apart.” Chairs are set in a circle wherein all members can see each other clearly. Lights are kept relatively low with the intent of providing a quiet, relaxed and safe atmosphere. A pitcher of water is available for members anytime during the meeting.

THE SIGN OF THE CROSS is used to commence, stating non-verbally that the meeting is Catholic in every way.

The Goals of Courage are ALWAYS read that there be no misunderstanding or surprise.

A short reading is done by one of the members, usually from a Catholic 12-Step book. The steps are followed each week in rotation and are re-read from the beginning at the conclusion of 12 weeks, or a group may work on one step per month, following a yearly cycle.

A short reflection is presented (usually by the leader) on some aspect of the spiritual/psychological/social dimensions of the challenge of same-sex attractions. One is to be careful to emphasize the PERSONHOOD of the members, never making homosexuality the central aspect of the human personality. The non-equation of “I am homosexual” is always challenged and corrected according to Catholic anthropology and insight. Members are children of God who “happen” to experience a kind of cross which Courage calls same-sex attractions. Interior chastity is the focal point of the meeting.

There follows the “round robin” wherein each member, in turn, is given the opportunity to speak about his or her feelings, problems, challenges, hopes, anxieties, etc. The member can speak about the talk or the reading or personal needs. The leader recognizes each member personally. “Joe, do you want to say anything?” or “Mike, do you have anything for us tonight?” (A certain amount of control by the leader is necessary to block out the crumbling consequences of cross talk—which is strictly forbidden) One member speaks at a time. No one challenges or speaks to him or her. There are no interruptions. We only listen. If anyone is to interact with him it HAS to be the leader. This is for the purpose of keeping the meeting going smoothly. It is not for dictatorial control but for order. Experience shows that once the leader allows the meeting to ramble, it will fall apart.Members will not return. If they do not return, they cannot be helped. Should a member opt to “pass” and not speak, he is simply acknowledged and the “baton” is passed to the next person in the circle. Much good can be done merely by encouraging a person listen to the feelings and verbalizations of the others.

The members are encouraged to speak in “I” terms not “you” or “they” terms. Each member speaks about what is immediately troubling to him. Intellectualizations are discouraged since they are usually mechanisms designed (even unconsciously) to keep from confronting oneself. These verbalizations are usually directed toward the leader (again not for leader aggrandizement but for maximum productivity). One notices such behaviour even on commercial television programs. It is not a negative but probably a human need for anchoring oneself in the difficult task of self confrontation.

Monologists (monopolists) are to be firmly but gently kept within reasonable time limits. Rarely we encounter a member who believes that he is being unfairly treated in that he might feel that he is being “short-changed” in terms of his time. Yet, the protocol is observed for the common good of the meeting which means the benefit of the individual. Generally, the leader keeps track of the “clock” and judges what is right for this sacred ministry. It seems as if 7-10 minutes is reasonable. This pressures the members to get to the point quickly and to jettison extraneous issues such as what new car he is buying or what is happening in the common market. Every member must be given the opportunity to share.

If the number in the group is 12-14, clearly the leader must exert some kind of responsible intervention if the meeting is to end on time. When members know that they WILL be out in 1½ hours, they can plan their evening. They have a right that the meeting begins and ends ON TIME. This is another little but important factor in maintaining a meeting beyond a few sessions. Meetings have been “killed” by fuzzy time frames, by cross talk, by “discussions”, and by the monopolizing of leaders.

When the number attending is smaller, e.g. four or five, the leader has the flexibility to allow longer self-disclosures but always within the context of the Goals (Interior Chastity). The meeting can end earlier than planned but not later.

When the round robin has been completed (and always without scolding, judgment, or “attack” from anyone), the leader asks one of the members to conclude with a short prayer service of his own choosing. It might be a Psalm or a prayer of a Saint or his own spontaneous expression. He then asks for individual petitions of those who wish for prayer support. Each petition ends with “Lord hear our prayer.” He asks that we join in praying the MEMORARE being fully aware of the need of Our Lady’s help. The eader ends the meeting with a blessing invoking the love and protection of the Father.

The leader, if a priest, makes himself available after the meeting for confession should any of the members wish to use the Sacrament of Penance. Sometimes, members will go out to a local coffee shop to socialize and possibly rehash impressions of the meeting itself. There is a giant obligation here, however, that CONFIDENTIALITY be scrupulously observed. Members are instructed periodically that matters of the meeting are of a level similar to the SUB SIGILLO seal of sacramental confession. All have the serious obligation of protecting the reputations of all other members.

The question of men and women in the same group is debatable. I have found, after experience, that it is more workable to have only one sex in the group. The tone and needs of the two sexes seem to have some differentiation which, I think, is better addressed in separate groups. It might be that—temporarily—if there are not sufficient female members for a group —-the male group might give them Christian hospitality until such time wherein the number of females can support their own group. Male and female Courage members often enjoy good fellowship together and learn from each other at Days of Recollection, conferences, outreaches, and social events.