EXERCISES in
POSITIVE P
SYCHOLOGY
  

 John on Patmos, Memling


ALAN Carr offers a compelling and brief summary/recommendation (Positive Psych., 351):

The results of scientific research point to three reliable ways to find happiness:

• Cultivate relationships which involve deep attachment and commitment;

• Involve yourself in absorbing work and leisure activities in which you exercise your strengths, talents and interests;

• Cultivate an optimistic, future-oriented perspective on life in which you expect the best and value the future more than the present.


 

 


MARTIN Seligman provides a series of exercises in Flourish:


What-Went-Well Exercise (Also Called “Three Blessings”)
(Flourish, ch. 2)

We think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right in our lives. Of course, sometimes it makes sense to analyze bad events so that we can learn from them and avoid them in the future. However, people tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful. Worse, this focus on negative events sets us up for anxiety and depression. One way to keep this from happening is to get better at thinking about and savoring what went well.

For sound evolutionary reasons, most of us are not nearly as good at dwelling on good events as we are at analyzing bad events. Those of our ancestors who spent a lot of time basking in the sunshine of good events, when they should have been preparing for disaster, did not survive the Ice Age. So to overcome our brains’ natural catastrophic bent, we need to work on and practice this skill of thinking about what went well.

Every night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well today and why they went well. You may use a journal or your computer to write about the events, but it is important that you have a physical record of what you wrote. The three things need not be earthshaking in importance (“My husband picked up my favorite ice cream for dessert on the way home from work today”), but they can be important (“My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy”).

Next to each positive event, answer the question “Why did this happen?” For example, if you wrote that your husband picked up ice cream, write “because my husband is really thoughtful sometimes” or “because I remembered to call him from work and remind him to stop by the grocery store.” Or if you wrote, “My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy,” you might pick as the cause “God was looking out for her” or “She did everything right during her pregnancy.”

Writing about why the positive events in your life happened may seem awkward at first, but please stick with it for one week. It will get easier. The odds are that you will be less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.


 

 


ACTIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONDING
(Flourish, ch. 3)

Here’s your assignment for the week: listen carefully each time someone you care about tells you about something good that happened to them Go out of your way to respond actively and constructively. Ask the person to relive the event with you; the more time he or she spends reliving, the better. Spend lots of tune responding. (Laconic is bad.) Hunt all week long for good events, recording them nightly in the following form


OTHERS EVENT

MY RESPONSE
 (V
ERBATIM)

OTHERS RESPONSE
TO ME

     

 


If you find you are not particularly good at this, plan ahead. Write down some concrete positive events that were reported to you recently. Write down how you should have responded. When you wake up in the morning, spend five minutes visualizing whom you will encounter today and what good things they are likely to tell you about themselves. Plan your active, constructive response. Use variants of these active and constructive responses throughout the week

 

 


YOUR PARTNER SHARES POSITIVE EVENT TYPE OF RESPONSE YOUR RESPONSE

 

 

 

“I received a promotion and a raise at work!”

Active and Constructive

“That is great! I am so proud of you. I know how important that promotion was to you! Please relive the event with me now. Where were you when your boss told you? What did he say? How did you react? We should go out and celebrate.”


Nonverbal: maintaining eye contact, displays of positive emotions, such as genuine smiling, touching, laughing.

Passive and Constructive

“That is good news. You deserve it.”


Nonverbal: little to no active emotional expression

Active and Destructive

“That sounds like a lot of responsibility to take on Are you going to spend even fewer nights at hone now?”


Nonverbal: displays of negative emotions, such as furrowed brow, frowning.

Passive and Destructive

“What’s for dinner?”


Nonverbal: little to no eye contact, turning away, leaving the room.

 

 

 

“I just won five hundred dollars in a charity raffle!”

Active and Constructive

`Wow, what luck Are you going to buy yourself something nice? How did you buy that ticket? Doesn’t it feel great to win something?”


Nonverbal: maintaining eye contact, displays of positive emotions.

Passive and Constructive

“That is nice.”


Nonverbal: little to no active emotional expression

Active and Destructive

“I bet you are going to have to pay taxes on that I never win anything.”


Nonverbal: displays of negative emotions.

Passive and Destructive

“I had a bad day at work today.”


Nonverbal: little eye contact, turning away.


 

 

 

 


SIGNATURE STRENGTHS EXERCISE

The purpose of this exercise is to encourage you to own your signature strengths by finding new and more frequent uses for them A signature strength has the following hallmarks:

·                                A sense of ownership and authenticity (“This is the real me”)

·                                A feeling of excitement while displaying it, particularly at first

·                                A rapid learning curve as the strength is first practiced

·                                A sense of yearning to find new ways to use it

·                                A feeling of inevitability in using the strength (Try to stop ne”)

·                                Invigoration rather than exhaustion while using the strength

·                                The creation and pursuit of personal projects that revolve around it

·                                Joy, zest, enthusiasm, even ecstasy while using it

Now please take the strengths survey. If you do not have access to the web, you can go to the Appendix and take a brief version of this test On the website, you will get your results immediately and can print them out if you like. This questionnaire was developed by Chris Peterson, a professor at the University of Michigan, and has been taken by more than a million people from two hundred nations. You will have the benefit of being able to compare yourself to other people like you.

As you complete the questionnaire, pay most attention to the rank order of your own strengths. Were there any surprises for you? Next, take your five highest strengths one at a tine and ask yourself “Is it a signature strength?”

After you have completed the test, perform the following exercise: this week I want you to create a designated tine in your schedule when you will exercise one or more of your signature strengths in a new way either at work or at hone or in leisure—just make sure that you create a clearly defined opportunity to use it. For example:

·                                          If your signature strength is creativity, you may choose to set aside two hours one evening to begin working on a screenplay.

·                     If you identify hope/optimism as a strength, you night wile a column for the local newspaper in which you express hope about the future of the space program

·                     If you claim self-control as a strength, you might choose to work out at the gym rather than watch TV one evening.

·                     If your strength is an appreciation of beauty and excellence, you night take a longer, more beautiful route to and from work, even though it adds twenty minutes more to your commute.

The best thing to do is to create the new way of using your strength yourself Write about your experience. How did you feel before, cluing, and after engaging in the activity? Was the activity challenging? Easy? Did time pass quickly? Did you lose your sense of self-consciousness? Do you plan to repeat the exercise?


 

 


CONCERNING the LOSADA RATIO
The Ratio of Positive to Negative Statements [Flourish, p. 34]

“Companies with better than a 2.9:1 ratio for positive to negative statements are flourishing. Below that ratio, companies are not doing well economically. We call this the ‘Losada ratio,’ named after my Brazilian colleague Marcel Losada, who discovered this fact.

“But don’t go overboard with positivity. Life is a ship with sails and rudder. Above 13:1, without a negative rudder, the positive sails flap aimlessly, and you lose your credibility.”

John Gottman computed the same statistic by listening to couples’ conversations for entire weekends. A 2.9:1 means you are headed for a divorce. You need a 5:1 ratio to predict a strong and loving marriage—five positive statements for every critical statement you make of your spouse. A habit of 1:3 in a couple is an unmitigated catastrophe.” [Flourishing, p. 34 (PDF version)]

Fredrickson BL, Losada MF (2005). “Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing”. Am Psychol. 60 (7): 678–86. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.60.7.678.PMC 3126111Freely accessiblePMID 16221001.

Note however, that the mathematics and experimental design underlying this hypothesis has been effectively refuted, to the extent that the article was subsequently withdrawn, and the concept that “a positivity ratio of 3 to 1 is a tipping point” that divides the flourishing from the nonflourishing is no longer taken seriously.

Brown NJ, Sokal AD, Friedman HL (2014). “The persistence of wishful thinking". Am Psychol. 69 (6): 629–32. doi:10.1037/a0037050PMID 25197848.




 

 


The Gratitude Visit
(Flourish, ch. 2, p. 20)

Close your eyes. Call up the face of someone still alive who years ago did something or said something that changed your life for the better. someone who you never properly thanked; someone you could meet face-to-face next week. Got a face?

Gratitude can make your life happier and more satisfying. When we feel gratitude, we benefit from the pleasant memory of a positive event in our life. Also, when we express our gratitude to others, we strengthen our relationship with them. But sometimes our thank-you is said so casually or quickly that it is nearly meaningless. In this exercise, called the “Gratitude Visit,” you will have the opportunity to experience what it is like to express your gratitude in a thoughtful, purposeful manner.

Your task is to write a letter of gratitude to this individual and deliver it in person. The letter should be concrete and about three hundred words: be specific about what she did for you and how it affected your life. Let her know what you are doing now, and mention how you often remember what she did. Make it sing!

Once you have written the testimonial, call the person and tell her you’d like to visit her, but be vague about the purpose of the meeting; this exercise is much more fun when it is a surprise. When you meet her, take your time reading your letter. Notice her reactions as well as yours. If she interrupts you as you read, say that you really want her to listen until you are done. After you have read the letter (every word), discuss the content and your feelings for each other.

You will be happier and less depressed one month from now.


 


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