Selections from
THE CONFESSIONS
 

CCSL, vol. 27, 1981
 ed. Verheijen

Confessions IV,4,7

7. In those years, when I first began to teach rhetoric in my native town, I had acquired a very dear friend, from association in our studies, of my own age, and, like myself, just rising up into the flower of youth. He had grown up with me from childhood, and we had been both classmates and playmates.

in illis annis, quo primum tempore in municipio, quo natus sum, docere coeperam, comparaueram amicum societate studiorum nimis carum, coaeuum mihi et conflorentem flore adulescentiae. me cum puer creuerat et pariter in scholam ieramus pariter que luseramus.

But he was not then [really] my friend, nor, indeed, afterwards, in [the sense of] true friendship;

sed nondum erat sic amicus, quamquam ne tunc quidem sic, uti est uera amicitia,

for there is no true friendship except among those You bind together, cleaving unto You by that “love which is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, Who is given to us.”(Rom. 5:5) 

quia non est uera, nisi cum eam tu agglutinas inter haerentes tibi caritate diffusa in cordibus nostris per spiritum sanctum, qui datus est nobis.

But yet it was too sweet, being ripened by the fervor of similar studies. For, from the true faith (which he, as a youth, had not soundly and thoroughly become master of), I had turned him aside towards those superstitious and pernicious fables which my mother mourned in me. With me this man's mind now erred, nor could my soul exist without him. But behold, You were close behind Your fugitives — at once God of vengeance and Fountain of mercies, who turn us to Yourself by wondrous means. You removed that man from this life when he had scarce completed one whole year of my friendship, sweet to me above all the sweetness of that my life.

sed tamen dulcis erat nimis, cocta feruore parilium studiorum. nam et a fide uera, quam non germanitus et penitus adulescens tenebat, deflexeram eum in superstitiosas fabellas et perniciosas, propter quas me plangebat mater. me cum iam errabat in animo ille homo, et non poterat anima mea sine illo. et ecce tu imminens dorso fugitiuorum tuorum, deus ultionum et fons misericordiarum simul, qui conuertis nos ad te miris modis, ecce abstulisti hominem de hac uita, cum uix expleuisset annum in amicitia mea, suaui mihi super omnes suauitates illius uitae meae.

Confessions IV,6,11

11. But why do I speak of these things? For this is not the time to question, but rather to confess unto You.

quid autem ista loquor? non enim tempus quaerendi nunc est, sed confitendi tibi.

Miserable I was, and miserable is every soul fettered by the friendship of perishable things — he is torn to pieces when he loses them, and then is sensible of the misery which he had before ever he lost them. Thus was it at that time with me; I wept most bitterly, and found rest in bitterness. Thus was I miserable, and that life of misery I accounted dearer than my friend. For though I would willingly have changed it, yet I was even more unwilling to lose it than him; yea, I knew not whether I was willing to lose it even for him, as is handed down to us (if not an invention) of Pylades and Orestes, (Cf. Ovid, Tristia, IV, 4:74.) that they would gladly have died one for another, or both together, it being worse than death to them not to be alive together.

miser eram, et miser est omnis animus uinctus amicitia rerum mortalium et dilaniatur, cum eas amittit, et tunc sentit miseriam, qua miser est et antequam amittat eas.  sic ego eram illo tempore et flebam amarissime et requiescebam in amaritudine.  ita miser eram et habebam cariorem illo amico meo uitam ipsam miseram.  nam quamuis eam mutare uellem, nollem tamen amittere magis quam illum et nescio an uellem uel pro illo, sicut de oreste et pylade traditur, si non fingitur, qui uellent pro inuicem uel simul mori, qua morte peius eis erat non simul uiuere. 

But there had sprung up in me some kind of feeling, too, contrary to this, for both exceedingly wearisome was it to me to live, and dreadful to die, I suppose, the more I loved him, so much the more did I hate and fear, as a most cruel enemy, that death which had robbed me of him; and I imagined it would suddenly annihilate all men, as it had power over him. Thus, I remember, it was with me. 

sed in me nescio quis affectus nimis huic contrarius ortus erat et taedium uiuendi erat in me grauissimum et moriendi metus.  credo, quo magis illum amabam, hoc magis mortem, quae mihi eum abstulerat, tamquam atrocissimam inimicam oderam et timebam et eam repente consumpturam omnes homines putabam, quia illum potuit.  sic eram omnino, memini. 

Behold my heart, O my God! Behold and look into me, for I remember it well, O my Hope! Who cleansest me from the uncleanness of such affections, directing my eyes towards You, and plucking my feet out of the net. For I was astonished that other mortals lived, since he whom I loved, as if he would never die, was dead;

ecce cor meum, deus meus, ecce intus; uide, quia memini, spes mea, qui me mundas a talium affectionum immunditia, dirigens oculos meos ad te et euellens de laqueo pedes meos.  mirabar enim ceteros mortales uiuere, quia ille, quem quasi non moriturum dilexeram, mortuus erat,  

and I wondered still more that I, who was to him a second self, could live when he was dead.

et me magis, quia ille alter eram, uiuere illo mortuo mirabar.

Well did someone say of his friend, Thou half of my soul,

bene quidam dixit de amico suo dimidium animae suae. 

Cf. Horace, Ode I, 3:8, where he speaks of Virgil, et serves animae dimidium meae. Augustine's memory changes the text here to dimidium animae suae.

for I felt that my soul and his soul were but one soul in two bodies;

nam ego sensi animam meam et animam illius unam fuisse animam in duobus corporibus,

and, consequently, my life was a horror to me, because I would not live in half. And therefore, perchance, was I afraid to die, lest he should die wholly whom I had so greatly loved.

et ideo mihi horrori erat uita, quia nolebam dimidius uiuere, et ideo forte mori metuebam, ne totus ille moreretur, quem multum amaueram. 

 2. In the Fourth Book (of the Confessions), when I acknowledged the distress of my mind at the death of a friend, saying, that our soul, though one, had been in some manner made out of two; and therefore, I say, “perchance was I afraid to die lest he should die wholly whom I had so much loved (ch.6);—this seems to me as if it were a light declamation rather than a grave confession, although this folly may in some sort be tempered by that ‘perchance’ which follows. Augustine, Retractions, II.6.2

 2. In quarto libro, cum de amici morte animi mei miseriam confiterer, dicens quod anima nostra una quodammodo facta fuerat ex duabus, et ideo, inquam, forte mori metuebam, ne totus ille moreretur, quem multum amaveram (Cap. 6): quae mihi quasi declamatio levis, quam gravis confessio videtur, quamvis utcumque temperata sit haec ineptia in eo quod additum est, forte.  [PL 32.6.32]

Confessions IV,4,6.12

12. O madness, which know not how to love men as men should be loved! O foolish man that I then was, enduring with so much impatience the lot of man! So I fretted, sighed, wept, tormented myself, and took neither rest nor advice. For I bore about with me a rent and polluted soul, impatient of being borne by me, and where to repose it I found not. Not in pleasant groves, not in sport or song, not in fragrant spots, nor in magnificent banquetings, nor in the pleasures of the bed and the couch, nor, finally, in books and songs did it find repose.

o dementiam nescientem diligere homines humaniter! o stultum hominem immoderate humana patientem! quod ego tunc eram.

itaque aestuabam, suspirabam, flebam, turbabar, nec requies erat nec consilium.

portabam enim concisam et cruentam animam meam impatientem portari a me, et ubi eam ponerem non inueniebam.

non in amoenis nemoribus, non in ludis atque cantibus nec in suaue olentibus locis nec in conuiuiis apparatis neque in uoluptate cubilis et lecti, non denique in libris atque carminibus adquiescebat.

All things looked terrible, even the very light itself; and whatsoever was not what he was, was repulsive and hateful, except groans and tears, for in those alone found I a little repose.

horrebant omnia et ipsa lux et quidquid non erat quod ille erat, improbum et odiosum erat praeter gemitum et lacrimas: nam in eis solis aliquantula requies.

 But when my soul was withdrawn from them, a heavy burden of misery weighed me down.

ubi autem inde auferebatur anima mea, onerabat me grandi sarcina miseriae.

Confessions IV,8,13

13. Times lose no time, nor do they idly roll through our senses. They work strange operations on the mind. Behold, they came and went from day to day, and by coming and going they disseminated in my mind other ideas and other remembrances, and little by little patched me up again with the former kind of delights, unto which that sorrow of mine yielded. But yet there succeeded, not certainly other sorrows, yet the causes of other sorrows. For whence had that former sorrow so easily penetrated to the quick, but that I had poured out my soul upon the dust, in loving one who must die as if he were never to die?

non uacant tempora nec otiose uoluuntur per sensus nostros: faciunt in animo mira opera.

ecce ueniebant et praeteribant de die in diem et ueniendo et praetereundo inserebant mihi spes alias et alias memorias et paulatim resarciebant me pristinis generibus delectationum, quibus cedebat dolor meus ille; sed succedebant non quidem dolores alii, causae tamen aliorum dolorum.

nam unde me facillime et in intima dolor ille penetrauerat, nisi quia fuderam in harenam animam meam diligendo moriturum acsi non moriturum?

But what revived and refreshed me especially was the consolations of other friends,

maxime quippe me reparabant atque recreabant aliorum amicorum solacia,

with whom I did love what instead of You I loved.

cum quibus amabam quod pro te amabam,

And this was a monstrous fable and protracted lie, by whose adulterous contact our soul, which lay itching in our ears, (2 Tim.4.3) was being polluted. But that fable would not die to me so oft as any of my friends died.

et hoc erat ingens fabula et longum mendacium, cuius adulterina confricatione corrumpebatur mens nostra pruriens in auribus.  sed illa mihi fabula non moriebatur, si quis amicorum meorum moreretur.

There were other things in them which did more lay hold of my mind — to discourse and jest with them; to indulge in an interchange of kindnesses; to read together pleasant books; together to trifle, and together to be earnest; to differ at times without ill-humour, as a man would do with his own self; and even by the infrequency of these differences to give zest to our more frequent consentings; sometimes teaching, sometimes being taught; longing for the absent with impatience, and welcoming the coming with joy. .

alia erant, quae in eis amplius capiebant animum, conloqui et conridere et uicissim beniuole obsequi, simul legere libros dulciloquos, simul nugari et simul honestari, dissentire interdum sine odio tamquam ipse homo se cum atque ipsa rarissima dissensione condire consensiones plurimas, docere aliquid inuicem aut discere ab inuicem, desiderare absentes cum molestia, suscipere uenientes cum laetitia: 

These and similar expressions, emanating from the hearts of those who loved and were beloved in return, by the countenance, the tongue, the eyes, and a thousand pleasing movements,

his atque huius modi signis a corde amantium et redamantium procedentibus per os, per linguam, per oculos et mille motus gratissimos

were so much fuel to melt our souls together, and out of many to make but one

quasi fomitibus conflare animos et ex pluribus unum facere.

Confessions IX,14

14. This is it that is loved in friends; and so loved that a man's conscience accuses itself if he love not him by whom he is beloved, or love not again him that loves him, expecting nothing from him but indications of his love. Hence that mourning if one die, and gloom of sorrow, that steeping of the heart in tears, all sweetness turned into bitterness, and upon the loss of the life of the dying, the death of the living.

hoc est, quod diligitur in amicis et sic diligitur, ut rea sibi sit humana conscientia, si non amauerit redamantem aut si amantem non redamauerit, nihil quaerens ex eius corpore praeter indicia beniuolentiae.

hinc ille luctus, si quis moriatur, et tenebrae dolorum et uersa dulcedine in amaritudinem cor madidum et ex amissa uita morientium mors uiuentium.

Blessed be he who loves You,

beatus qui amat te

and his friend in You,

et amicum in te

and his enemy for Your sake.

 et inimicum propter te.

For he alone loses none dear to him to whom all are dear in Him who cannot be lost. And who is this but our God, the God that created heaven and earth, (Gen.1:1) and fills them, (Jer.23:24) because by filling them He created them? None loses You but he who leaves You. And he who leaves You, whither goes he, or whither flees he, but from You well pleased to You angry? For where does not he find Your law in his own punishment? And Your law is the truth, and you are truth. (Jn 14:6)

solus enim nullum carum amittit, cui omnes in illo cari sunt, qui non amittitur.

et quis est iste nisi deus noster, deus, qui fecit caelum et terram et implet ea, quia implendo ea fecit ea?

te nemo amittit, nisi qui dimittit, et quia dimittit, quo it aut quo fugit nisi a te placido ad te iratum?

nam ubi non inuenit legem tuam in poena sua?

et lex tua ueritas et ueritas tu.

Selections from
SERMON 336
 tr. based on Edmund Hill, OP, v. III/9,p. 267, Works of St. Augustine, New City Press, 1994.

PL 38 1472

2. Let us love, let us love freely and for nothing. It is God, after all, whom we love, than whom we can find nothing better. Let us love him for his own sake, and ourselves and each other in him, but still for his sake.

amemus, gratis amemus: deum enim amamus, quo nihil melius inuenimus ipsum amemus propter ipsum, et nos in ipso, tamen propter ipsum.

You only love your friend truly, after all, when you love God in your friend,

ille enim ueraciter amat amicum, qui deum amat in amico,

either because he is in him, or in order that he may be in him.

aut quia est in illo, aut ut sit in illo.

That is true love and respect; if we love ourselves for another reason, we are in fact hating rather than loving.

haec est uera dilectio: propter aliud si nos diligimus, odimus potius quam diligimus.

Selection from
SERMON 385
 Engl. Tr. based in part on St. Caesarius of Arles, Sermons, vol. 1 (1-80) tr. Sr. M.M. Mueller, OSF, ser. Fathers of the Church, (CUA Press, 1956).  Latin: PL 39.1690D-1695D

 PL 39.1690-1695

This homily is included among the sermons of St. Caesarius of Arles (Serm. 21).  I may be principally a transcription of an Augustinian homily, but it has certainly been somewhat re-worked by St. Caesarius.

 The Love that is Friendship is Gratuitous

Amicitiae amor gratuitus.

4. Now, let your charity first see how gratuitous the love of friendship ought to be. You should not possess or love a friend in order that he may give you something. If you do love him so he will give you money or some temporal advantage, you do not love him, but what he offers. A friend must be loved without recompense, for himself and not for anything else. If, then, the rule of friendship urges you to love without return, how must God be loved without reward, since He orders you to love men? Nothing is more agreeable than God. In a man there are things which offend, but through friendship you force yourself to tolerate what is displeasing in a man on account of friendship. Since, then, you should not destroy friendship with a man because of things which can be tolerated, by what things should friend-ship with God be compelled to be dissolved by you?” You will find nothing more agreeable than God, for in Him there is nothing to offend you, provided you do not offend Him. There is nothing finer, nothing sweeter than God. Now you are going to tell me : I do not see Him; how am I to love one whom I do not see? Behold how you may learn to love one whom you do not see. I will show you how you may try to see what you cannot behold with these eyes. See, now, you love a friend; what do you love in him? You love him without any return. Perhaps that friend of yours, to omit other facts, is an old man; for you can have an old man as a friend. What do you love in the old man? A crooked body, a white head, the wrinkles on his forehead, his drawn jaw? If it is the body which you see, compared with old age nothing is so ugly; yet you love something, even if you do not love the body which you see because it is ugly. How do you see what you love? For if I were to ask you: Why do you love? you would answer me: The man is faithful. Therefore, you love fidelity. If you love fidelity, God is seen with the same eyes with which fidelity is perceived. For this reason begin to love God, and you will love man for His sake.

4. Videat enim Charitas vestra primum amicitiae amor qualiter debeat esse gratuitus. Non enim propterea debes habere amicum, vel amare, ut aliquid tibi praestet. Si propterea illum amas, ut praestet tibi vel pecuniam, vel aliquod commodum temporale; non illum amas, sed illud quod praestat. Amicus gratis amandus est, propter sese, non propter aliud. Si hominem te hortatur amicitiae regula, ut gratis diligas; quam gratis amandus est Deus, qui jubet ut hominem diligas? Nihil delectabilius Deo. Nam in homine sunt quae offendant; per amicitiam tamen cogis te, ut etiam illa quae offendunt in homine toleres propter amicitiam: si ergo non debes propter quaedam toleranda dissolvere hominis amicitiam; Dei amicitia quibus rebus debet cogi, ut dissolvatur a te? Nihil invenis delectabilius Deo. Deus non est unde te offendat, si tu eum non offendas: nihil illo pulchrius, nihil illo dulcius . Sed dicturus es mihi: Non illum video; quomodo sum amaturus quem non video? Ecce quomodo discis amare quem non vides: modo ostendo unde coneris videre, quod istis oculis non potes videre. Ecce amas amicum; quid in illo amas? Gratis eum amas. Sed forte amicus iste tuus, ut alia omittam, senex homo est: fieri enim potest ut habeas amicum senem. Quid amas in sene? Incurvum corpus, album caput, rugas in fronte, contractam maxillam? Si corpus quod vides, nihil deformius prae senectute: et tamen aliquid amas, et corpus quod vides non amas, quia deforme est. Unde vides quod amas? Si enim quaeram a te, Quare amas? responsurus es mihi, Homo est fidelis. Ergo fidem amas. Si fidem amas; quibus oculis videtur fides, ipsis oculis videtur Deus . Incipe ergo amare Deum, et amabis hominem propter Deum.

Selection from
LETTER 130: TO PROBA
 Engl. Tr. based in part on Letter 130 to Proba NPNF 1.1 tr, J.G. Cunningham.

 PL 33.495

2.4. It is true, indeed, that good men are seen to be the sources of no small comfort to others in this world. For if we be harassed by poverty, or saddened by bereavement, or disquieted by bodily pain, or pining in exile, or vexed by any kind of calamity, let good men visit us,—men who can not only rejoice with them that rejoice, but also weep with them that weep, (Rom. 12:15) and who know how to give profitable counsel, and win us to express our feelings in conversation: the effect is, that rough things become smooth, heavy burdens are lightened, and difficulties vanquished most wonderfully. But this is done in and through them by Him who has made them good by His Spirit. On the other hand, although riches may abound, and no bereavement befal us, and health of body be enjoyed, and we live in our own country in peace and safety, if, at the same time, we have as our neighbours wicked men, among whom there is not one who can be trusted, not one from whom we do not apprehend and experience treachery, deceit, outbursts of anger, dissensions, and snares,—in such a case are not all these other things made bitter and vexatious, so that nothing sweet or pleasant is left in them? Whatever, therefore, be our circumstances in this world, there is nothing truly enjoyable without a friend. But how rarely is one found in this life about whose spirit and behaviour as a true friend there may be perfect confidence! For no one is known to another so intimately as he is known to himself, and yet no one is so well known even to himself that he can be sure as to his own conduct on the morrow; wherefore, although many are known by their fruits, and some gladden their neighbours by their good lives, while others grieve their neighbours by their evil lives, yet the minds of men are so unknown and so unstable, that there is the highest wisdom in the exhortation of the apostle: “Judge nothing before the time until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts; and then shall every man have praise of God.”(1 Cor. 4:5)

4. Homines autem boni videntur etiam in hac vita praestare non parva solatia. Nam si paupertas angit, si luctus moestificat, si dolor corporis inquietat, si contristat exsilium, si ulla calamitas alia vexat, adsint boni homines qui non solum gaudere cum gaudentibus, verum etiam flere cum flentibus (Rom. XII, 15) norunt, et salubriter alloqui et colloqui sciunt; plurimum illa aspera leniuntur, relevantur gravia, superantur adversa. Sed ille hoc in eis et per eos agit, qui spiritu suo bonos fecit. E contra, si divitiae circumfluant, nulla orbitas accidat, adsit sanitas carnis, incolumi habitetur in patria, et cohabitent mali homines, in quibus nemo sit cui fides habeatur, a quo non dolus, fraus, irae, discordiae, insidiae timeantur, atque sustineantur; nonne illa omnia fiunt amara et dura, nec aliquid laetum vel dulce est in eis? Ita in quibuslibet rebus humanis nihil est homini amicum sine homine amico. Sed quotusquisque talis invenitur, de cujus animo et moribus sit in hac vita certa securitas? Nam sicut sibi quisque nemo alter alteri notus est; et tamen nec sibi quisque ita notus est, ut sit de sua crastina conversatione securus. Proinde quamvis ex fructibus suis multi cognoscantur, et alii quidem bene vivendo proximos laetificent, alii male vivendo contristent; tamen propter humanorum animorum ignota et incerta, rectissime Apostolus admonet ut non ante tempus quidquam judicemus, donec veniat Dominus, et illuminet abscondita tenebrarum, et manifestet cogitationes cordis, et tunc laus erit unicuique a Deo (I Cor. IV, 5).